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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29373459">FF9Stuck</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Griever1337/pseuds/Griever1337'>Griever1337</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy IX, Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU, Crossover, F/F, Humor, Trans Characters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:00:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,853</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29373459</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Griever1337/pseuds/Griever1337</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Terezi Pyrope, daughter of Queen Brahne and the princess who resides over the Kingdom of Alexandria, is consensually kidnapped by Vriska Serket, a rogue with skills of both a hardened thief and a wily actor, on her 23rd birthday. Rose Lalonde is a black mage with unknown origins, destined for both snarky repartee and immense existential angst. Karkat is kind of a bitch.</p>
<p>A story is written out for them, but how well will they follow it? Whatever's happening, it's sure to be a little ridiculous.</p>
<p>(This is essentially an accompaniment to my playthrough of Final Fantasy IX in which I name all my characters after Homestuck characters. There's screenshots of the game and everything in this work. It's both a fun little writing exercise and a very silly AU of sorts that follows the events of Final Fantasy IX with a more absurdist lens.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>FF9Stuck</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: J3SUS CHR1ST TH3R3'S TH4T DR34M 4G41N<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: T4LK 4BOUT CRYPT1C</span>
</p><p>Terezi Pyrope was, predictably, a little bit bored. Today was her 23rd birthday, and, though she would've enjoyed it if it was a day where she was actually left to her own devices, that wasn't really the case. Princesses don't really get that kind of freedom, after all. And given that a theater ship was heading on over to the castle, just to celebrate things with a full-scale, big-budget play? She was doomed to put on a dress that just absolutely was not her style, and sit as the performers presumably put on Lord Avon's most boring, most heterosexual romantic dramedy in existence.</p><p>She really wishes she was out of the castle, getting into FLARP sessions with those who didn't suspect it. That was far more her speed. Or maybe involve herself in a high stakes court proceeding, which the kingdom she resided over was oft to do. All this big picture stuff about being a princess was just not what she vibed with, to say the fucking least.</p><p>If you're wondering why she's a princess, well, don't. Try suspending your belief for a bit for this fic, alright? It's just part of the conceit of it all.</p><p>Oh, and while you're at it, imagine her with some grey skin, candy corn-colored horns, red glasses, and teeth that give her the grin of a shark. Get used to this, because it's not like I can exactly mod Final Fantasy IX to make half the characters look like they're from Homestuck. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The Kingdom of Alexandria that Terezi was the princess was vast, built with a multitude of natural defenses. It was surrounded by cliffs and an abundance of water, and governed by its ruler, Queen Brahne. In addition, Alexandria hosts one of the strongest known militaries on the planet, 90% of which is made up by lesbians, thanks to the continued efforts of Beatrix, the leading general of the army and scouter of all potential troops.</p><p>Evidently, the women of Alexandria just like to do a lot of war crimes. Terezi wasn't entirely sure whether or not she fit into that mold.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Fast approaching was the Theatre Ship, carrying all manner of actors, performers, musicians, backstage workers, makeup artists, and more. It, as with all ships, flew with the power of the Mist Engine, which used the power of the Mist to fly.</p><p>What is the Mist? Well, it's a dense fog that covers the Mist Continent, generally known for mixing with the wildlife to create horrifying monsters, as well as heavily reducing the draw distance of the world map. We probably won't be seeing that last part, though.</p><p>
  
</p><p>And on the theater ship, our protagonist awaited.</p><p>
  
</p><p>That's fucking right, baby.</p><p>It's a Vrisrezi story. </p><p>A completely off the shits Vrisrezi AU with a fuckton of weird video game shit going on in the background, but a Vrisrezi story nonetheless.</p><p>Am I being too in-your-face with this narration? I'm sorry, there'll be more dialogue when more characters show up, I swear. You're going to be fucking yearning for narration by the time the next chapter ends.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="caliborn">BLANK: Well, he ain't here yet.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Then where the hell is he?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="calliope">CINNA: He said he was getting snacks from the theater ship's 7-11, I think?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Holy shit, we have a 7-11 on this ship?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Whoever repaired the ship from last time really pulled out all the stops, huh?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="calliope">MARCUS: Please don't try to spin your crashing of the ship into the side of a cliff into a net positive, Vriska.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Are you saying that it's NOT a net positive????????<br/>
</span>
  <span class="calliope">MARCUS: I'm not saying that at all.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="calliope">MARCUS: Frankly, I'm a big fan of the new onboard convenience store. It's...convenient.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="calliope">MARCUS: Love me a good Slurpee.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="calliope">MARCUS: But next thing we know, it's going to end up being ammo for the argument to let you steer the ship more often, rather than less.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BLANK: Come on, Marcus.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BLANK: Vriska's not even interested in piloting the ship these days.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Excuse me????????<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BLANK: I'm lying, of course, but could you imagine miss sky pirate wannabe giving that up?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Fuck off, 8lank. You...your name is stupid.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BLANK: Thanks, chose it myself.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: You think you're sooooooo clever leaving the naming slot unfilled on forms, don't you?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BLANK: As a matter of fact, I do! It's extremely clever and funny of me.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BAKU: SUP EVERYONE!!!</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh there you are, Baku!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Did you get some chips for all of us?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BAKU: You might not have noticed since we did it offscreen, but since you got me good in that fight we had just now, yes, I have some chips as a little reward for everyone.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BAKU: And cookies.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BAKU: Sodas too.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BAKU: Everything you need for a good fucking time!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Fuck yes!!!!!!!!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="calliope">MARCUS: She gets so excited about convenience store food every time.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="calliope">CINNA: Well yeah! It's great!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BLANK: Probably didn't have very much of that while she was living with her absolute hellbeast of a lusus.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BLANK: If her "mom" could've chilled out and subsisted fully on junk food from the nearest Mist station, things probably would've turned out better for her.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Are you kidding, 8lank? 8eing part of this gang fucking rocks.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: I mean, 8etween the extravagant plays, the flying ship, and the can-do attitude a8out taking and 8reaking anything that we want?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: This is the fuckin' life, right here.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BAKU: Hahaha, you've got the spirit, kid!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BAKU: But our meeting ain't just for a party, ya hear?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BAKU: After all, we've got a job to do.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Well then let's get to discussing it!!!!!!!!</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Can I just say something a8out this whole plan?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Why do we have to perform THIS play?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: I mean, isn't "I Wanna Be Your Canary" the blandest, most boring heterosexual romantic dramedy that Avon's got in his dead playwright pocket?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="calliope">CINNA: No, you're thinking of "I Wanna Be Her Canary".<br/>
</span>
  <span class="calliope">CINNA: "I Wanna Be YOUR Canary" is about a camaraderie of gay peasants inspiring a class revolt in a kingdom with the backdrop of an epidemic of animal transformations.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh shit, the 8ird TF play? That one rocked!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: God, why did he name them so similarly!?!?!?!?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="calliope">MARCUS: Probably so that the other one gets forgotten. He wasn't very proud of his early plays.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: 8ack on the topic of kidnapping, is this for like, ransom reasons? To start a war or something?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Or are we just 8eing crazy motherfuckers?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BAKU: It's a secret. All I'll say is we're not killing her.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Well that's fucked up that you're not telling me, 8ut you never say that when we're doing something legitimately heinous so I'll take your word for it.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Ah, fuck.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: The one day I go into town for entertainment and there's a title screen emblazoned across the sky.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: I suppose it means things are about to get a lot more complicated for me, doesn't it?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Wish that the omen was a little bit more menacing or evocative, though.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Then again, having a "Final Fantasy" doesn't really ring in good news...</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Check it again.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: It'll look less fake this time, I promise.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: What makes you think I'd willingly deface myself for what amounts to a well-performed crappy soap opera?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: It's not like you've got any seniority or authority on me.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="dirk">PUCK: what if i told you i was the prince of a faraway kingdom?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Hmm.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Well, assuming that I would believe you, I suppose I'd have no choice but to willingly join in on whatever you need.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Seemingly being bound to the whims of a prince and selling out my free will to him does sound about like something I'd do at some point.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="dirk">PUCK: okay lady i don't really have any clue what you're saying but just tell me if you want to be my servant or whatever</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Alright.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="dirk">PUCK: fuck yeah!!! let's fucking go<br/>
</span>
  <span class="dirk">PUCK: we're gonna sneak in through the rooftops alright</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Please don't start playing Upward Movement on your Sony Walkman, or whatever medieval fantasy equivalent we might have to that.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="dirk">PUCK: it's called a sony walkrat and i don't know what you're talking about</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Speak for yourself, Puck.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: As far as objects to be named after, a beautiful, thorny flower is a much more evocative slice of the world than a hockey implement that gets bashed and beaten around by muscular men in armor and skates.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="dirk">PUCK: what?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="dirk">PUCK: oh right<br/>
</span>
  <span class="dirk">PUCK: okay but my name sounds like the f word and that's hilarious, i think<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: You got me there.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: I hope this play's better than the other canary-based Avon "masterpiece".<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: I heard this one had bird TF and I better not be proven wrong.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="dirk">PUCK: what's tf???<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: You'll figure it out.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="caliborn">BAKU: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BAKU: It is good to see you all here tonight, on the 23rd birthday of her highness, Princess Terezi.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BAKU: Today, we plan on holding a performance of "I Wanna Be Your Canary", a story that takes place long, long ago, when tensions against the rich were quite high, and the peasantry had many, many reasons to hate the royalty that forced them to toil away.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BAKU: Very strange times, I'm sure you're aware!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: 34T 4 DICK!!!!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BAKU: All in due time, your highness.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: W41T NO 1 W4S JUST K1DD1NG FUCK OFF<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: UGH JUST DO TH3 PL4Y 1'M SUR3 1T'LL B3 F1N3<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BAKU: Then let's get this show on the road!</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>It didn't take very long for Terezi to want to go back inside the palace and do something that wasn't as mind-numbingly boring as watching a play. Sure, she wasn't watching the WORST of Avon's plays as she thought she was, but let's be real, it was far too lacking in the lesbian department for her to care. Of course, by this point, Vriska was already in place to attempt the kidnapping.</p><p>She wasn't expecting someone who was, decidedly, not decked out in an ornate dress, and was instead in much more of a patchwork ensemble. So she didn't even recognize the princess at first.</p><p>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Hmm?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: H3Y WH4T'S UP<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: DON'T M1ND M3 1'M JUST STROLL1NG 4ROUND TH3 C4STL3 1N 4 W4Y TH4T DO3SN'T P3RT41N TO YOUR 1NT3R3STS 4T 4LL<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: JUST FUCK1NG 4ROUND 4 L1TTL3 B1T! NO N33D TO WORRY, F33L FR33 TO GO B4CK TO YOUR POST<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: (Huh. Is that some kind of...FLARP outfit?)<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: (Didn't think anyone in this city would 8e the kind to FLARP, let alone someone in this castle...)</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: WOW, YOU 4R3 **T3RR1BL3** 4T FL1RT1NG!!!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Excuse me!?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: 1T'S V3RY CUT3 THOUGH<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: M1GHT'V3 WORK3D 1F 1 W3R3N'T SO BUSY<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: BUT 1'VE GOT 4 B1T OF 4 M1SS1ON<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: SO 1F YOU'LL 3XCUS3 M3<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: W8, I thought you said you were just fucking around-<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: BY3 LOL<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Hold up a second!!!!!!!!</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Queen Brahne's court jesters are the loyal Zorn and Thorn, two clowns known for their dual themeing and complementary colors. Unfortunately, the ideal court jesters, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, were already employed in Lindblum, at the service of Regent Cid.</p><p>Oh, also the screenshot quantity and consistency get a little more loose right around here. Sorry about that.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The Knights of Pluto are just Queen Brahne's branch of Threshecutioners, of which Karkat is a leader.</p><p>The Threshecutioners are, however, a joke branch of the military, in comparison to Brahne's highly formidable legion of almighty lesbians, who, as stated earlier, are led by General Beatrix. Beatrix is so much stronger than Karkat it's not even funny. The girl could probably tear Karkat in half with her bare hands.</p><p>
  <span class="jane">BRAHNE: Karkat, can you go see what's going on with my daughter?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="jane">BRAHNE: She seems to have taken the Falcon Claw, according to the intel I've gained from Beatrix.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: THE ROYAL PENDANT?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="jane">BRAHNE: Yes, that one. What, did you think I meant something else?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="jane">BRAHNE: Go ahead and look for her and bring her back to me, I guess. Surely you can handle something this simple.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: OF COURSE, YOUR MAJESTY!</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>I don't even have to edit this shit, you know.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Um, excuse me????????<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Usually my captors spend a little more time resisting capture and a little less time...playing the part.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Then again, maybe kidnapping's changed since I was a kid with an awful lusus?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: W3LL 1'M NOT YOUR USU4L V1CT1M NOW 4M 1 &gt;:]<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: You really aren't, no.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Well, if a kidnapping's what you want, it's a kidnapping that you'll get.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: GET YOUR RAGGED DIRTY HANDS OFF HER, YOU CRAZY BITCH.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: UGHHHHHHHHH<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: K4RK4T C4N YOU T4K3 4 D4Y OFF 4T L34ST ONC3 1N YOUR L1F3<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Yeah! Don't you ever get tired of being a humongous tool 24/7????????<br/>
</span>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: I WILL BE AS MASSIVE AND AS MUCH OF A TASK PERFORMING IMPLEMENT AS I WANT TO BE, IS THAT NOT CLEAR?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Hey, what if we just started 8eating the shit out of him?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="calliope">CINNA: Vriska, I don't know if you've noticed, but this hammer really isn't for beating the shit out of people.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh come on! Didn't I make you one for those purposes????????<br/>
</span>
  <span class="calliope">CINNA: It's just too colorful and it doesn't mesh with the world we're in at all!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Can't 8elieve I have to do EVERYTHING around here.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH MY FUCKING GOD, YOU CAN'T JUST KIDNAP SOMEONE AND CALL HER KNIGHT A SLUR LIKE THAT!!!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: W-<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: A what? What the-<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh wow, you thought that was a slur? I was literally talking a8out your shitty armor, dude.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Calm your ass!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: YOU S33 WH4T 1 H4V3 TO D34L W1TH</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Some escaping takes place. Rose gets caught up with the group of Terezi, Karkat, and Vriska, who are all aboard the ship when it starts to take off and leave. Queen Brahne, with very little regard for anyone's safety, shoots a Bomb (monster) at it, in order to have it explode like a bomb (explosive). The ensuing explosion totals one of the ship's engines, sending it flying down away from Alexandria, off the cliffs, and into...</p><p>Evil Forest.</p><p>Not shitting you.</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: This certainly wasn't how I expected my day to go.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: You watch one play and suddenly you're stuck in a place literally called Evil Forest, surrounded by plant monsters with huge tentacles.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: This is the best day of my life.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: 1T'S S3R1OUSLY C4LL3D 3V1L FOR3ST????<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT TH3 SCHOL4RS W3R3 4LL JUST FUCK1NG W1TH M3 S1NC3 1'M BL1ND<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Why would you assume that they would be messing around with you?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: 1T'S WH4T 1 WOULD'V3 DON3<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: 34S13ST PR4NK 3V3R<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Uh huh.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Thank god the 7-11 was intact so I could get a drink and get my energy 8ack.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Time to pull out ol' relia8le.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: Y34H STOP M4NSPL41N1NG TO TH3 PL4NT D3MON, K4RK4T<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Yeah, neither of us want your whinging, dude.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: HEY, AT LEAST I'M TRYING TO SOLVE THIS WITHOUT VIOLENCE, THEREBY FORGOING ANY NEED TO ENDANGER TEREZI.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: L444444M3<br/>
</span>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: I MEAN, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO!? HACK IT TO PIECES???<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Of course not!!!!!!!!</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Thievery isn't the only crime I'm good at!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: I'm going to commit arson, O8VIOUSLY.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: IN WHAT FUCKING WORLD IS THAT A BETTER IDEA.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: TH1S ON3, DUHHHH<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: I'm always down to set the forest on fire.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: We've already determined the forest population's morals to be less than standard, judging by the name, so I doubt there will be a problem if we just eradicate the issue at its source.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: See, NOW you're speaking my language!!!</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="caliborn">BLANK: And frankly, people should be saying this more often.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: I can't believe the first person I've met with good Vriska takes is fucking Blank from Final Fantasy 9.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BLANK: What?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Well said.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Got any more well-meaning generic platitudes in stock, or am I going to have to wait for a few hours?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: I'm serious!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Whether you're serious or not, it doesn't really change the simple facts of the situation.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: None of us could save the princess.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Correction, Rose.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: None of us could save the princess YET.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: We're not going to fail completely so early on in our stories. That's just not going to happen.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: And what makes you say that?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Isn't it o8vious?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: It'd just make for a really shitty story! And we're not a8out to have that, are we?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Well, you're right about something.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh, Christ.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Can we not do this shit?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Just never call me that again, alright?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Sorry about that.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: I'll be sure to edit the textboxes from here on out.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Or at least, we'll just start ignoring the pronoun usage entirely, since that's going to get pretty messy eventually.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Ughhhhhhhh. I hate getting into this meta stuff about screenshot editing or whatever. Let's just move on.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: I'm sorry - you're calling me "master"?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: DID I JUST SAY THAT? WEIRD.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: I WONDER IF THAT'S SOME SORT OF STRANGE TRANSLATION QUIRK INVOLVING JAPANESE HONORIFICS.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: It doesn't get any less weird that you'd be calling her "Rose-sama" in the original dialogue of the game, num8nuts.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: On that note, are we just going to like, o8liquely reference that fact and 8reak the fourth wall while not acknowledging our foreknowledge as a part of the story?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Probably. This is a playthrough with pretentious commentary, not a fully fleshed out AU or crossover. I don't think we have the time to really write all that into a coherent plot.</span>
</p><p>Jokes on you, Rose. Too late for that.</p><p>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: I thought so.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: WOW!!! I AM ALREADY INSANELY TIRED OF THE BOTH OF YOU.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Anyways, no need to call me master. We're not at that point in our relationship.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: W-<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: And we never will be. That would be all kinds of weird.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Haha, yeah, no kidding!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: I FEEL LIKE A CHEW TOY.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: I FEEL LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DRAGGING ME FOR HOURS AND ROUGHING ME UP, VERBALLY, UNTIL I'M NOTHING BUT A RAGGEDY PIECE OF TORN FUCKING PLASTIC.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Yeah, yeah.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Anyways, we should go ahead and save Terezi from that fucking...plant tentacle thing or whatever.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Wow!!!!!!!! Thanks for the vote of confidence 8lank!!!!!!!!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BLANK: Vriska, I know you well enough to know that, no matter what sort of manic theatre kid charming ladykiller bullshit you're putting on, it's just to cover up some sort of insecurity, so maybe just cool off a little bit alright?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh, like YOU'RE not covering up insecurities with your ridiculous little cool guy act?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Psychoanalyze me again when you're wearing pants, dwee8.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BLANK: I told you already that pants are bad for my sensitive legs!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BLANK: Also, can you please stop spelling my name with the number eight?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: No can do, 8lanco.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="caliborn">BLANK: Okay come on you can't just call me white.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh fuck, I forgot that was an actual word.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: So saving Terezi was pretty much a foregone conclusion since she had already pretty much torn apart the plant monster herself, 8ut the forest went stoney and uh...<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Let's just say I'm starting to may8e have regrets a8out leaving Blank and our last conversation off with asking him to wear pants and calling him a dwee8.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: We'll...come 8ack for him later.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Really getting sick of your constant whining, Karkat.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: CAN YOU STOP CALLING ME RUSTY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD???<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Fine, shitty armor boy.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: SEE THAT I CAN HANDLE. I AM FINE WITH THIS.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: M4YB3 TH3Y'R3 4LL F4LL1NG 4SL33P B3C4US3 OF OUR R3SP3CT1V3 SHOW1NGS OF CONST4NT BR4V4DO<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: What?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: W3'R3 JUST W4Y TOO COOL W4Y TOO OFT3N 4ND TH3Y JUST C4N'T H4NDL3 1T<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: NO BUT S3R1OUSLY 1'M 4BOUT TO P4SS TH3 FUCK OUT<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: You can't pass out!!!!!!!! There are MONSTERS in here, for gods' sakes!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: SNOR3................<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh w8, I guess monster encounters are turned off in the playthrough right now...8ut........<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Zzzzzzzz........</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: ...what the fuck?</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh, you thought a light snooze in the cold would do me in?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Come on, now. I'm Vriska fucking Serket! You can't kill me with such sloppy, amateur hour 8ULLSHIT like that!!!!!!!!!<br/>
BW1: No matter. You've forfeited your right to a painless, peaceful demise.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh, I see what's going on now!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: You wanted a little tango with the 8est of the 8est, didn't you!?<br/>
BW1: I'm a Black Waltz. I don't do tango.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: I don't give a FUCK what you are or what you do! What matters is that you wanted a little one on one with yours truly.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: And let me tell you right now - that's gonna 8e your LAST mistake!!!!!!!!<br/>
BW1: Arrogant as you are, I wouldn't have much trouble disposing with you, even in an honest bout.<br/>
BW1: But you're wrong about one thing.<br/>
BW1: I never planned on a one-on-one.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh?<br/>
BW1: ARISE, SEALION!!!!<br/>
SEALION: (sealion noises)<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA:<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA:<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA:<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Yeah, I'm going to set the 8oth of you on fire.</span>
</p><p>And then she did.</p><p>It was toasty.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: WH4T<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh, sorry, I was in forcefemming mode.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Yeah, this doesn't really make much sense as a naming scene if we already know your name.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: 1T'S 4DOR4BL3 TH4T YOU TH1NK YOU C4N FORC3F3M 4NYON3<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: IT'S WORKED 8EFORE I SWEAR</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Vriska, you're going to have to stop nerding out about swords if you want the princess to stay entertained at all.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh come on! You can't ALL think that it's 8oring.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Statistically, it's pretty fucking unlikely!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: WELL, IT'S LOOKING LIKE YOU'RE PRETTY FUCKING UNLUCKY THEN, AREN'T YOU?<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Don't 8e ridiculous. I've got luck in spades!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: I've got so much luck I don't know what to do with it all!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: 1 B3T YOU H4V3N'T 3V3N GOTT3N LUCKY 1N L1K3, TH3 PROV3RB14L S3NS3<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Oh, like hell I'm gonna expound on that with an audience this large.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3!!!<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Anyways, I was just getting to the dirks, which are-<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: Y34H SOM3HOW 4NY 1NT3R3ST 1 H4D 1N TH3 TOP1C JUST PLUNG3D 1NTO TH3 FUCK1NG L4TR1N3<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: 1'M NOT GO1NG TO N4M3 MYS3LF D4GG3R OR 4NYTH1NG 1N TH1S SC3N3 SO W3 C4N STOP R1GHT H3R3<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Fiiiiiiiine.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="karkat">KARKAT: HEY, IS THAT A FUCKING TOWN OVER THERE? CAN WE AT LEAST GET TO A SPOT THAT ISN'T FILLED WITH MONSTERS TRYING TO MURDER US BEFORE WE HAVE MORE TALKS LIKE THIS???<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: Can't 8elieve you're admitting to 8eing such a wuss.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="vriska">VRISKA: 8ut yeah, I'm due for a rest too. Let's go ahead and stop 8y town, then.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="rose">ROSE: Sounds good to me.<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: TH3N 1T'S S3TTL3D<br/>
</span>
  <span class="terezi">TEREZI: W3 R3ST 1N D4L1!</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
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